Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
