bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
