im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
