Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
