You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
