someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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