no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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