YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So much rum. So many feels.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
