I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
