he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize