He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
