I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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