I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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