I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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