i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
