sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
