Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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