Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
