Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
