so explain again why im purple
no
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
