we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
