do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Randomize
