They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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