I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
