The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
