Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
