it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
