Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
