I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
This baby is an asshole
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize