There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
