Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
only you would photoshop your dick
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
