Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize