Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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