I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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