the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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