I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
