The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
