Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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