U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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