I'm laying in your front yard are you home
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
