eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
