all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
