I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize