P.S. I can't hear my feet
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
