i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
