u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
