dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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