I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
