I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
