shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Me. At least after what I've been through.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
