Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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