I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
