What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
