I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
