have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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