Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize