After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You have to summon your inner elephant
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
