I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize