I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
