This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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