swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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