I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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