Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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