So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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