U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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