shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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