i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
