3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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