What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
