im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
