ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
