but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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