Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Your cock deserves a montage
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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