He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
