So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
