oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
