this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
