you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
