You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
