We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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