Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
