That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
