No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
