Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
