I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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