I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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