she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
